rich man, poor man
This past weekend I had the opportunity to visit theYosemite and Monterey Bay areas. They each offered their own unique perspectives into the beauty of nature, but one aspect of the experience that ruffled me up a little bit was passing the houses on 17-mile drive. As Steve and I wound our way past Pebble Beach and along the coastline (paying $8.50 along the way) we could not help but notice how extravagantly all the houses were built. As social workers these are the kind of things that bother us.
But upon further thinking I had to wonder to myself why we were condemning these people. So they have a lot of money and decide to spend it on big, expensive houses. They have the money, don't they? In all likelihood they probably earned it. And even if they inherited the money why should they be sorry for that? We do not know what it is like to have that much money, how do we know how we would act if we had it (you know how it goes...everyone is a democrat when they are young but as soon as they make a little money it is not long thereafter that they start voting Republican)? Anyway, even with these questions I still find myself resentful of the extravagantly rich. There has to be some kind of altruistic gene in all of us, right?
Here is what actually gets to me. We work with the desperately poor every day. A lot of the guys are probably not considered very good people. Lying, cheating, stealing (not to mention the occasional whisperings of homicide) are norms at the center. But in spite of all of this, I find myself continually giving the guys the benefit of the doubt at every moment. Why? Because I (we) am of the belief that the guys aren't necessarily bad, they just caught a bad break. It is not their fault that their mothers took drugs while they were pregnant, they were born into poverty, they were exposed to drugs, alcohol and violence from an early age on. And because of this I believe that the guys should be given a break for once in their life. Maybe we can reverse the ills of our society that have stood since slavery and continued throughout immigration. Maybe giving someone a chance will help them make a change in his life.
Now we have to think about the opposite side of this argument. Many of the people who own the large, extravagant, expensive houses grew up with wealthy parents, good food, cars to drive, good education, good health care, etc. The point is that rich people are as socially conditioned as poor people. Am I to condemn them for following what they know and continuing to live a good life? I would never think of condemning one of the guys...
Here is the problem for me (and I am guessing everyone else). We cannot accept someone's behavior simply because that is how they were raised or that is "the way things are." That is like saying it is ok for a parent to beat their child because that parent was abused when he or she was a child. It is not acceptable, the cycle must stop somewhere. But there definitely is a tension with how we should work with people who may be able to live better lives, whether that be one of the guys breaking free from homelessness and addiction or educating the wealthy on how to live with more equality with those who are less fortunate (of course this is how I see things, others may have different views on what is right and what is wrong, etc.). So how do we balance or relieve this tension? How do you say to someone, "You're great and I accept you, but we have to make a change to you for the better?" That seems like such an odd statement to me, a contradiction in terms. And who am I to judge anyway?
On a more metaphysical level, this issue seems to me to be one that underlies all human behavior, most likely stemming from the "crisis" of consciousness. We are always changing, developing, etc. Some like to talk about the act of becoming. We are always moving from this to that, molding new selves out of old selves, tweaking our structures a little bit here and there. This process is endless, in fact built into the very nature of our existence. We cannot help wanting to always become faster, smarter, more comfortable, etc. In a word, better. So the crisis is that (for the most part unconsciously) we ceaselessly desire to be someone else, someone better than who we are. In that very desire we deny who we are now, at this very moment, and because of this feel a little bit guitly. This is the exact feeling that arises when we tell someone that we accept them but need them to change for the better. The fine print is really saying I do not accept you as you are and you should feel bad about that.
So what can we do? I do not suppose to know all the answers, but at the Center what we say is, "Hey, I love you but we have to do something here." I don't think this really solves the problem, but hopefully it is on the way. I think what the above quotation is really saying is, "I realize that you come from a certain background that may lead you to have certain behaviors. But there exists outside of your experience (and that of rich people) a world not subject to social conditioning (God I hope this is true) that contains real truths and real goodness. And this world will not judge you based on your upbringing, color of your skin, background, etc. and if you so wish to live in it you will probably find a lot of happiness. But...you cannot bring the fakeness of social conditioning into this world, because that would break the rules of the world (of course there are always conditions). So please work with me to break the habits and ways of life that are detrimental to your well being and the well being of others, leave the old world behind and come and join this new, good world."
When I read that over it sounds like a bunch of idealistic, crazy ramblings. But I think that is how things might have to work. And without giving a lot of concrete examples, that is what we are hopefully saying when we try to help the guys out of homelessness. I really believe that world exists somewhere, the world we talk about when we use the phrase "heaven on earth," and one that should at some point start to form if everyone who claims to be christian starts follwing the precepts of christianity. So I guess I do not really know what to do (in the best possible way) to help these guys out. From now on I am just going to try and be nice (and firm I suppose when that is needed).
But upon further thinking I had to wonder to myself why we were condemning these people. So they have a lot of money and decide to spend it on big, expensive houses. They have the money, don't they? In all likelihood they probably earned it. And even if they inherited the money why should they be sorry for that? We do not know what it is like to have that much money, how do we know how we would act if we had it (you know how it goes...everyone is a democrat when they are young but as soon as they make a little money it is not long thereafter that they start voting Republican)? Anyway, even with these questions I still find myself resentful of the extravagantly rich. There has to be some kind of altruistic gene in all of us, right?
Here is what actually gets to me. We work with the desperately poor every day. A lot of the guys are probably not considered very good people. Lying, cheating, stealing (not to mention the occasional whisperings of homicide) are norms at the center. But in spite of all of this, I find myself continually giving the guys the benefit of the doubt at every moment. Why? Because I (we) am of the belief that the guys aren't necessarily bad, they just caught a bad break. It is not their fault that their mothers took drugs while they were pregnant, they were born into poverty, they were exposed to drugs, alcohol and violence from an early age on. And because of this I believe that the guys should be given a break for once in their life. Maybe we can reverse the ills of our society that have stood since slavery and continued throughout immigration. Maybe giving someone a chance will help them make a change in his life.
Now we have to think about the opposite side of this argument. Many of the people who own the large, extravagant, expensive houses grew up with wealthy parents, good food, cars to drive, good education, good health care, etc. The point is that rich people are as socially conditioned as poor people. Am I to condemn them for following what they know and continuing to live a good life? I would never think of condemning one of the guys...
Here is the problem for me (and I am guessing everyone else). We cannot accept someone's behavior simply because that is how they were raised or that is "the way things are." That is like saying it is ok for a parent to beat their child because that parent was abused when he or she was a child. It is not acceptable, the cycle must stop somewhere. But there definitely is a tension with how we should work with people who may be able to live better lives, whether that be one of the guys breaking free from homelessness and addiction or educating the wealthy on how to live with more equality with those who are less fortunate (of course this is how I see things, others may have different views on what is right and what is wrong, etc.). So how do we balance or relieve this tension? How do you say to someone, "You're great and I accept you, but we have to make a change to you for the better?" That seems like such an odd statement to me, a contradiction in terms. And who am I to judge anyway?
On a more metaphysical level, this issue seems to me to be one that underlies all human behavior, most likely stemming from the "crisis" of consciousness. We are always changing, developing, etc. Some like to talk about the act of becoming. We are always moving from this to that, molding new selves out of old selves, tweaking our structures a little bit here and there. This process is endless, in fact built into the very nature of our existence. We cannot help wanting to always become faster, smarter, more comfortable, etc. In a word, better. So the crisis is that (for the most part unconsciously) we ceaselessly desire to be someone else, someone better than who we are. In that very desire we deny who we are now, at this very moment, and because of this feel a little bit guitly. This is the exact feeling that arises when we tell someone that we accept them but need them to change for the better. The fine print is really saying I do not accept you as you are and you should feel bad about that.
So what can we do? I do not suppose to know all the answers, but at the Center what we say is, "Hey, I love you but we have to do something here." I don't think this really solves the problem, but hopefully it is on the way. I think what the above quotation is really saying is, "I realize that you come from a certain background that may lead you to have certain behaviors. But there exists outside of your experience (and that of rich people) a world not subject to social conditioning (God I hope this is true) that contains real truths and real goodness. And this world will not judge you based on your upbringing, color of your skin, background, etc. and if you so wish to live in it you will probably find a lot of happiness. But...you cannot bring the fakeness of social conditioning into this world, because that would break the rules of the world (of course there are always conditions). So please work with me to break the habits and ways of life that are detrimental to your well being and the well being of others, leave the old world behind and come and join this new, good world."
When I read that over it sounds like a bunch of idealistic, crazy ramblings. But I think that is how things might have to work. And without giving a lot of concrete examples, that is what we are hopefully saying when we try to help the guys out of homelessness. I really believe that world exists somewhere, the world we talk about when we use the phrase "heaven on earth," and one that should at some point start to form if everyone who claims to be christian starts follwing the precepts of christianity. So I guess I do not really know what to do (in the best possible way) to help these guys out. From now on I am just going to try and be nice (and firm I suppose when that is needed).
posted by Ryan at 2:12 PM
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