The Buzz

God is not here for us. We do not do religion or spirituality to get something. These ideas came up in a discussion I had with Steve and they kind of hit me, set my mind on fire. To even make these statements one must make a huge assumption. That we, humans, are the center of the universe. Really. They are very egotistical statements. And I do not think that they are benign at all. People really think this stuff. Just look at the gospels. Everything Jesus taught about doing good, loving others, loving God, etc. was put into context. If you follow me, if you love the Lord your God, if you love your neighbor as yourself then you will have eternal life in paradise. Then you will go to heaven. Why do we need that then? I can see a few possibilities. The first is that as humans we are too juvenile to act good without some sort of reward. I guess that does not say much about us. The second is that there really is a God, sitting in His throne, judging us as we do right and wrong. In that case, the only way to get to heaven would be to do what is right. Jesus was just letting us know. The third is kind of similar but a little more subtle. We must still act right, whatever that is, but the rules and laws that we have learned are not up to some sort of judgment in itself. Jesus is not going to come on the last day and judge us all, sending some of us to hell and some of us to heaven. The laws and rules are simply built into existence. Some things are naturally going to send us in bad directions (lying, cheating, stealing) and others things are going to send us in good directions (helping your elderly neighbor take out the trash). I suppose some people would call this natural law. I don't know. And I am not sure what one of these ideas is true. Maybe none of them maybe all of them. What I do think is interesting is that I am still here talking about these actions as they pertain to myself (and ourselves) and some sort of juddment or some sort of coming about because of the actions. Why am I not talking about the actions in themselves? Would they mean anything? Do they mean anything? I think that the problem here is the ego creeping up again. We have this way of anthropomorphizing everything we come in contact with. Why do we feel the need to be the center of the universe? Maybe it could be an evolutionary quality stemming from the need to compete with everything around us. In that case a me me me attitude is usually successful. But of course that is an imcomplete and fairly naive idea. We are surely more complicated than that. I like to think that what Jesus has taught us and what we should do should be done in of of itself. Doing good is good because it is good. It is it's own beginning and end (I suppose middle too). I have no proof of this and no argument to give anyone. It would be nice though.

Smiles

The other day when I was working out at the DC sorting and distributing coats I had a pretty cool experience. There were various organizations coming to pick up women's and children's coats as well as sweaters. We must have given away around 700 coats just in one day. That in itself is pretty awesome. But there was an older woman who had come with a few helpers, one being a young gentlemen that was her godson. We did the usual introductions, I helped them pick out what they wanted and then we loaded the bags into their truck. All very usual. When I went to shake the man's hand, however, something different happened. As our hands came together and our eyes met a shiver ran along my arm, into my spine and then throughout the rest of my body. We smiled, thanked each other and they left. But that moment stuck with me throughout the rest of the day. I cannot explain what it was or how it really felt. All I know is that a connection was made. There are some who say that in forgetting our differences and seeing what is the same in all of us, we are able to see God. This is a fairly abstract idea, but I believe that the handshake we shared was a moment in which the outside world was washed away and we were joined in a mutual desire to help one another and others in our community. On that common ground we were able to see not just God in each other, but God. And really, if we are going to get technical I don't think it is that important to separate the two. Seeing God is seeing God. Or better yet experiencing God is experiencing God. We should not have to define it, or think about it or label it. It is a feeling, a connection to others, a connection to existence. If we really believe that God is in everything and again that God is everything, then connecting to existence is all we have to do. Kind of funny that it can happen through a simple handshake.

Calling

Over lunch yesterday Ron, the manager of the dining room, told us a story that he was a part of. There was a foreign man who used to come into the dining room who could only speak about 10 words of English. He does not come in any more and has a place to stay, but unfortunately has had 3 strokes. Ron went over to pay the man a visit and upon seeing that it was Ron the man's face lit up. Apparently he does not get many visitors. They spent some time just hanging out and trying to communicate but there was not much they could do. Then Ron figured he would let the man use his cell phone to make calls to people he knew because he had unlimited calls in the U.S. After about 10 minutes of explaining the man finally understood the offer and started making calls. He was unsuccessful for a few of them but then started reaching people he knew. His face would light up each time he connected with someone and even though Ron could not understand the conversations he could tell they were full of happiness. At one point the man was talking to someone and his words and tone took that of baby talk. Ron was a little confused but later learned that the man had been talking to his son and had reverted to a lower more nurturing form of communication. It turns out the man was not able to stay in contact with his family and friends because he did not have the money to make the calls, so he was very thankful for the opportunity.
Last night I was hanging out in my room, readying, talking on the phone, etc. when I heard some unfamiliar voices in the dining room. I went out to find out what was going on and found my roommates and some former JVs sitting at the table, talking and sharing a few drinks. It was a nice surprise. I joined the conversation and we shared what everyone does, talked about the area and all of that kind of stuff. There really is quite a nice network of people to meet and exchange stories with. I have much gratitude for this experience and the opportunities it offers.
Yesterday I ran into my cousin, Paula, who lives in San Jose. She was up in Oakland doing some work and called me up and stopped by work. Another quite pleasant surprise. I showed her the Center and she got to meet Steve, Tyrone and some of the guys and we just talked a little bit. I will be going through San Jose in a few weekends so it will be a good opportunity to get together. We also might be able to go on a trip to Lake Tahoe together, which would be pretty awesome. It is amazing to start to recognize the web of life that we have formed. Connections here and there, opportunities abound. I am thankful for the people I have in my life, what I can offer them and what they can offer me. After all we are all here to share what we have.

Visitations

We are now through the holidays, the most cheerful and unfortunately often the most stressful time of the year. I had a good time as I believe most others did. We brought in the New Year with friends and spirits, singing and dancing. My friend from Boston College came the 1st through the 3rd so that was cool. We mostly hung out with my roommates and got into discussions (read arguments) about God, society and whatever else, but also I took her to San Francisco to see The City. I still have trouble calling it The City, but oh well. I saw the sea lions at the Wharf for the first time, it was great fun to watch them play, fight, bark, swim, jump and all that good stuff.
Overall, a very good time throughout the holidays. I am very excited because my mom is coming to visit as I write this. I am taking a few days off from work and we are going to hang out (I guess this is a common theme), see The City, maybe go to the Redwoods, show her work, and oh so much more. I cannot wait. I think it was good to spend my Christmas here but it is going to be great to see family. I really missed everyone.
Right now I am reading some good books, one being Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman. It is really good stuff. I like how he gathers life and humanity in his hands and throws his personal experience of them at the reader in his highly visceral lines. It seems as though he covers everything through his little eyepiece, but it makes sense that he is able to do so because, writing about every day down to earth happenings, we are all able to connect. That is the point. We all live one experience only view through 6 billion different lenses. I like it. And it makes me think about the Center. This is my experience of life right now. At first glance the word life seems a little vague and general but it is my particular and highly personal life that I am talking about. I only hope that I can suck up all that there is to offer here because I will not have the same experience again. For this I am thankful. That I am here, experiencing this particular life, right now, the good and the bad, everything...for this is what makes our existence beautiful.