The Real Lesson

I was talking to someone who read my last blog and they commented, with a slight smile and smirk, that I spent a whole year working with the homeless and going to retreats and all I learned was "not to judge." I suppose what I said could have come off that way, but in reality the lesson I feel as though I have learned is a little more subtle. Of course we all know that we should not judge each other and that "love is the answer." We know these ideas from sources as ancient as the Bible and as commercial as bumper stickers. So I realize that I should have learned these lessons long ago. But that is not what I feel I have learned.

Inevitably, because of our particular personalities, the geographic locations we were raised, the color of our skin, the material well-being we have known, etc. most of us believe that it is "wrong" to judge and "right" to love. But we often cater these beliefs to our unique circumstances. Meaning, we love those who are similar to us (in our beliefs) and those for whom we feel sympathy, but we judge those who do not fit into our own personal criteria for who is "good."

This happens everywhere and all the time. Even among fellow social workers I find that we often have negative feelings toward those who do not share the same beliefs as we do. Or those who work with the poor feel that it is ok to hate those who are materially well off and decide not the help the poor.

The problem is that the minute one begins to judge others, whether or not the people who are being judged are apparently "good" or "bad," that person immediately cuts him or herself off from solving the problem. Judgment is a great divider, it pushes people apart and keeps them there. Understanding, forgiveness and love are all reconcilers, they bring people together. These may seem like simple statements but they are important. Solving the problem of disparity, of having a large group of homeless people living in despair next to another group of people who have the resources to help them, cannot contain any sort of judgment - on either side of the continuum. I cannot judge the poor and I cannot judge the rich. This will not do any good. And I must understand that my particular dispositions and my unique experiences have most likely set me up to judge certain groups of people. I must identify this, understand it and then hopefully work from outside myself. This is what I have learned this year. That I must identify my own prejudices and get rid of them. Because we should not judge anyone, even if with think they are completely "evil."

I realize that once again this lesson is quite apparent in all sorts of texts. But what has been important for me this year is that I have not simply read these idealizations, I have actually lived them. For me, to truly understand my lesson I needed to spend night and day living what I read. And I believe that this is important for everyone. We need to put our thoughts to action, to actually challenge every cell in our body to jump into reality. Only by seeking a multitude of diverse experiences do I think we can make this happen.

So I seek to look into the world and not judge anyone. This is hard and I often fail. But I will continue to remind myself that someone who shoots drugs into his vains is not evil. And someone who buys an extraordinarilly expensive house is not evil either. I will not solve any problems by judging these people. I might be able to solve some problems, however, if I identify my own prejudices, relinquish them and then seek to understand and work with other people in their own particular circumstances - without judgment of course.